Insomnia

     I was never officially diagnosed with insomnia, but seeing as I have all the symptoms, and the fact that it almost always accompanies anxiety or depression (or in my case both), I am certain it has come along for the ride.
     
     So, what is Insomnia?

     Insomnia is a sleep disorder. It can appear for only a few nights a month, or most nights out of every week. Insomnia is restlessness of mind and body. For me, insomnia will allow me to sleep only very lightly, when I actually do sleep. Usually, insomnia keeps my mind running and my body moving. It's almost as though my self-control has been taken over and causes my limbs to thrash without my consent.
     When I go to bed at night, I might sleep lightly for a few hours, then awake half-way. My mind feels foggy and confused. Then, I begin the thrashing. Technically, I'm awake. My eyes are open and my brain working, but it's as if I can't control what I'm doing. I toss and turn continually, and can't help it because it feels as though I am only half-awake.

     Does Insomnia affect more than just sleep?

     Hell yes. It makes it very difficult to get up in the morning, and not just because I'm not a morning person. Since my body was ready to receive the rest it didn't get, it still tries to remain in bed to get every trace of rest it can, before I force it onto its feet. This means, that it is difficult even to drag myself into a sitting position in the morning. 
     You know how you feel when you just wake up? Your body feels like it could use some good stretching and warming up and you feel like it might take a half-hour or so to wake up your mind all the way. Well, that's how I feel ALL THE TIME. My body is always running out of steam. My eyes always want to close, and my limbs always want to be stretched. Not to mention, my brain always seems to be a little bit behind.

     Insomnia also affects my emotions. Since I usually do that half-awake thrashing thing a little after midnight, and I get my little bit of light sleep just after I go to bed. I try to go to bed as early as possible, so that light sleep will last longer before midnight comes and I become restless. This means, no late nights, no friends over, no being out past nine-thirty.
     But of course, these rules only apply to me. Unfortunately, my room is right next to the theater room. My closet-side wall is the same as the TV wall. So the speakers are mounted on the other side of my wall. This makes any movie watching extremely loud in my room. And Ember deserves to have her friends over late if she wants. She deserves to have fun. Whenever she has friends over it's late, and they always want to watch a movie. Worst of all, this makes me irritable, because it steals away the only sleep I would get that night. I'm always telling them to turn it down and pointedly letting them know that it bothers me when they keep me up. I wish I could be gentler in my annoyance and take it in silence. I try, but irritability is just one of those inevitable symptoms of insomnia.

     I've long been considering getting some type of sleep supplement. I know it would help. If you have any suggestions, please share.

Introduction

     I will begin simply. This is my experience and my situation. Not everyone who has the conditions I have will be the same, nor is it likely that they will have all the conditions I have.
     I have three separate disorders that are all linked together: Insomnia, anxiety, and depression. I will ease into these posts slowly so as to put the most minor of effects first, and make my way into the more horrible.
     So, after this introduction, I will posting about insomnia. Then, I will proceed into anxiety, and finally, depression. 
     
     It takes a lot to admit to yourself that you have a mental disorder, let alone admit it to others. However, it is infinitely beneficial. Therefore, I will proceed forth with my experiences on dealing with these disorders to strengthen myself, and let others know that it's okay. It's okay to admit it. It's okay to get help. It's okay to feel and think the way we do.